Thursday, November 25, 2010

two things i never thought i'd do in a car...

1) Take a nap, while the car is running and sitting on a very well-populated freeway.

2)...
Let me preface by saying that 7 hours trapped inside of a vehicle can do funny things to a girl. Horrible things. Four inches of snow fell on Seattle, and the town went ape shit. Semis and buses were strewn across the freeways, cars slid out of control, lanes were blocked, cars abandoned on the side of the road, babies cried for their mothers, chaos, catastrophe, etc, etc.

Shitty things: this was the day I had a rental car, so I could not enjoy the ridiculously frivolous amenities my yuppie ass has grown accustomed to, like heated seats and satellite radio. And I'd left my phone charger in my car (which was getting serviced (sounds like my Jetta was off getting a BJ)), so my only form of entertainment (besides FM radio) was slowly being drained of battery-powered life. And. Most importantly. No snacks were to be had! The one day I didn't bring any turned out to be the one day I looked around me, approximately 3 hours into my 25 mile commute, ravenous, and thinking horrifying thoughts like, "Should I start rationing my water? How much longer could this possibly take? I might die here..."

Benificial things: the rental car had a full tank of gas, whereas my car was probably down to less than 1/3 of that. So it was actually fortuitous. If I'd had my car, I may have had to leave her on the side of the road after the gas ran dry. Let's hear it for silver lining!

Gross things: it's incredibly uncomfortable to sit for hours on end, with no dinner, and with a full bladder which is (at best) the size of a walnut. What's a girl to do in a situation like that? I seriously - seriously - considered hopping out and popping a squat in the middle of I-5 to make some yellow snow. Couldn't bring myself to do it. What I could finally convince myself to do? Grab my tupperware from lunch, stick it under my girl parts, and urinate while in the driver's seat. It was the only option. And I would totally do it again.

Sweet relief. You can't put a price on it.