today

9:00 Breakfast, shower, lounge in bathrobe.

10:00 Call 8,000 different numbers to inquire about 8,000 different student loans that I am either a) supposed to have started paying four months ago or b) supposed to start paying two months from now, when c) I don't even have enough money to buy food (where I'm distinguishing "buy" from "charge").

10:25 Still sorting out how I got transferred from one banking/loan entity, who knew what I was talking about, to another, who I apparently have no account with.

10:45 Still on hold with those bastards who want my money at the Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board.

11:25 Finally conclude that I am to complete economic hardship forms, since there is no way in hell I can afford to pay a total of four (FOUR!) loan entities a total of $1900 per month. (Hah!)

11:35 Succeed in warding off a massive debt-related panic attack.

12:15 BNI meeting. Don't ask.

2:00 Household chores. More phone calls. More feelings of overwhelm and loss of control about life. Wasting 3.5 hours waiting for the mail carrier to deliver an urgent package. Thanks, USPS, for the quality time I got to justify spending with Chuck Klosterman.

6:30 Trip into Seattle to fill up on lattes, do some paperwork, and continue to feel overwhelmed and helpless... but at least while in an urban setting.

9:15 Make one list entitled "Problems That Will Be Solved!" and another entitled "Things to Look Forward To." Take a deep breath.

10:30 Get home. Proceed listening to a continuous loop of a "song" by a "friend" that I am mentally and emotionally addicted to.

11:30 Feeling a little better. Trying to feel sleepy, post-latte. Recalling those "things to look forward to," to ensure that I have pleasant dreams, instead of ones featuring death of family members or overflowing toilets I've fallen into as of late.

11:35 As a result of my back telling me to go fuck myself because it's sick of the current sleeping situation, end my night by re-reading item #7 on aforementioned list: "acquire a real bed"... Good note to fall asleep on, even it's on a plastic-coated surface of air.