year in review

I’ve been journaling for a few years now, and occasionally, I like to revisit some of the exhilarating/mundane/bizarre experiences I’ve written about. It’s always fun to relive some memories, laugh at myself, and from time to time cringe a little at my lack of perspective, reading and reminiscing with the 20/20 hindsight I wish I could channel as things are actually happening to me, instead of months later. I collected a few clips that I especially wanted to remember. Either because it was a good memory, or for the laugh or neuroticism factor, or both. I think they’re actually better read out of context. So may I present a random sampling, a window into the crazy head of vernaculauri...

- I need to enjoy the moment here, and stop worrying so goddamn much. So…nothing new.

- I am pissed and upset. But more upset. And pissed.

- Here I was not pursuing anything, and had these suggestions tossed at me like so many softballs. I was trying to decide whether I should try and catch a few of them or just keep laughing and let them fall.

- It was one of those dark days, where you can never tell what time it is because you can’t see the sun, but it’s ok, because the reflections off of slick streets and the subdued weather make everything feel a little more relaxed. It reminds me of sick days in elementary school, or maybe this one sick day, when the weather was horrible, but I laid on the couch and watched the Care Bears movie over and over and all was calm and right with the world. I love rainy days sometimes.

- But it is what it is. He is what he is, and I suppose, not what I thought.

- It’s funny how a day can change everything. Your life (sometimes), your mind, the course of your non-stop mental drivel.

- My dad told me I’d earned the opportunity that awaits me, and that I may as well take advantage of it. He also said … not to worry about things I can’t control (I know this), and that everything happens for a reason (I know this too), and that it will all unfold with time (ugh) and work itself out.

- You tell it, Time.

- I felt this overwhelming appreciation for my life and every aspect of it. I thought about how lucky and happy I am. All the places I’ve lived and will live in, the fact that I’m making the most of my 20s, and have no regrets, and that I’m not missing anyone or anything, but am single and glad to be, am free, am alive, and healthy.

- Lately I have felt so distant and boring. Like there’s not much presently going on in my life I am greatly passionate about. For every positive, there’s a negative. Just like life, I suppose. Everything just… is.

- And I know it’s totally dramatic, but I felt wounded to have had to cross that off my wish list.

- I gave it my frowning hour, so now, it’s a new day, with a new obsession to fixate upon. I just need to find one…

- Funny how years ago, during the teaching days, Sundays were the most awful, miserable days of my life, and now, they’re what I look forward to.
And I’m so thankful that I can look forward to them.

- They are beautiful strangers. Beautiful friends. ‘Get in where you fit in.'

- What an awesome old guy. He told me, “take it easy, ma chere.” I think that was the best advice I’ve been given in recent memory.