slow and sleepy

Today, like yesterday, has been gray and drizzly. I usually love days like this, especially when it's the weekend. It's a good excuse to stay in your underwear and drink tea and read in bed all day long.

But today was my second day of work, and I am exhausted. I'm getting used to the flow of the office (at the chiropractic clinic I work at), and still learning how everything is working. I wanted to nap this afternoon, but decided my time would be better spent re-connecting with the world and going out in it. So I sit in a cozy corner at my new favorite cafe in downtown Decatur, people-watching, enjoying the crowd and the coffee, and looking up Albert Camus quotes. I've collected some of my favorites for you. So kick back with a pot o' tea, put on some Sigur Ros or Iron and Wine, and enjoy your afternoon.

- Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.
- Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
- In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.
- Men must live and create. Live to the point of tears.
- Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
- To be happy we must not be too concerned with others.
- Truth, like light, blinds. Falsehood, on the contrary, is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object.
- You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.
- Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken.
- But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?

springtime and the livin' is easy

This month has truly been a vacation. There was a time last weekend in Austin, amidst my mid-afternoon porch-sitting and wine-drinking, where I actually thought to myself, 'I'm having so much fun, I'm pretty much jealous of my own life right now.' It was about 2pm, and it's when I knew I was drunk.

I spent another few days in Houston visiting with family, playing the part of personal chiropractor for my parents, and then I played and totally won at car tetris: I packed up my lil '96 Camry to the brim and rolled my way to Hot-lanta. Which, thankfully, is not hot yet. I made it here during the few weeks of spring, before the humidity descends and I begin traveling everywhere in a bathing suit. The first 8 hours of the drive, I thought to myself that I could make a career of driving across the country. (The last four hours, after I'd exhausted the new music on my ipod and was squinting to see the lines on the road, I reconsidered.)

Once at my destination, I made about six trips up to the third-floor apartment (54 steps in all), with my bike, one of two of my enormous suitcases, and various other personal effects. I took great care in manually locking the passenger side door of my car, since lately it's been acting all busted with the automatic lock. Then this morning, when I went to my car to run by Target for a shower liner so I could bathe myself, I wiped the grime from my face, jaw dropping, to realize I'D LEFT THE GODDAMN REAR DOOR OPEN. Meaning: ipod! suitcase! car stereo! bike rack! shit, TOYOTA! all exposed to the residents of the complex, begging someone to steal it all. Luckily, it was all still there. I want to believe that this is because I am a good person, and not because I am really, really fucking lucky. Maybe both?

So anyway, the weather here is amazing (70 degrees, sun shining), and there are little tree buds blooming like crazy everywhere in green, pink, and white. Today I am enjoying this glorious weather during my last two days of vacation. I am errand-running at places like Ikea, Whole Foods, and the kitchen supply store in downtown Decatur. And I am super excited about settling in and living in a(nother) new city for a bit. Weee!

the golden weekend

Yesterday, I spent approximately 8 hours playing Peggle. I took a nap. I changed out of my pajama pants only to go to the liquor store. I had a dinner of waffles, bacon, oranges, and whiskey, then went to two parties.

Today, after an extraordinary Tex-Mex breakfast, what remains on the schedule is more napping, more Peggle, and afterwards, ice cream. It's very likely I may explode from vacation ecstasy.

I gotta go. The pj's are waiting.

best hosts ever

I'm in Austin now, finally able to fulfill my promise to myself for daily breakfast tacos, and I'm enjoying the town despite the gray, drizzly briskness. I'm staying with my friends Geoff and Griffon, and their adorable 3 1/2-year-old, Millie.

There is Peggle here - an xbox game I was previously ignorant to, which is the best, most time-sucking game ever. There is a constant stream of whiskey. And there are play parties between dad and daughter, involving dinosaurs with personal space issues, animal couples who go to therapy, and sugar-cookie afficionado kitties with rival blogs.

I never want to leave this place.

only temporary

I knew I was not a fan of the 'burbs, but ... ugh.

There are Hummers! And strip malls! So many churches, and Republicans! Plus, way more concrete than just a year ago.

I love Texas, and I grew up in this place, but it still gives me the shakes.

in transit

After the final four days with virtually no sleep, I was forced to say my goodbyes to Quebec City. The details were a blur, but I know that many friends (and new family) were bid farewell (for now), many festivities were shared, and a few tears were let go in the process.

It had been awhile since I was face-to-face with a town like Davenport. I'd just arrived in the midwest Thursday, was awake here for all of two hours, when I said to myself, "Fuck this noise. I'm going to Chicago." So the weekend was spent with more friends, until I had to face my responsibilities and return to Iowa. It really hasn't been all bad. There are friends here also, more goodbyes to bid soon, as well as the closing ceremonies to what has been a three-year blur. I graduate in just 14 hours, after which I'll have a "Doctor" before my name. Crazy. Yesterday I hugged my mom for the first time in over a year. And this weekend, I make the two-day drive back to Texas, where I have not been since early 2008. My car hasn't seen the state since 2005, as evidenced by my long-expired inspection sticker which I *hope* no state troopers will give me shit for until I can update.

Everyone around me is in the "so what are your plans?" mode. I am, too. It's interesting to find out what my fellow graduates are up to next, where they'll practice, how far our class is spreading. And even though I only have it figured out through June, I am perfectly alright with that. And I consider that no small feat. Just a year ago, not knowing what I was going to do two months down the road drove me crazy with worry. I am now embracing the process. It can be incredibly fun to not have any effing clue where you'll end up. And in the meantime, while I'm figuring it out, I consider myself overwhelmingly lucky to have had the experiences I've had.

So goes the week of closure to one era of my life. Here's to three (bland, albeit worthwhile) years in Iowa, three (amazing, incredible) months in Quebec, and the rest of my life in who-the-hell-knows-where. (Which way's the wind?)

last week in paradise

I sadly have only 8 more days left in Quebec, after which I'll spend a week back in Iowa, and then a month in Texas. I am now in the midst of the 'lasts.' My last full week of work. My last Thursday outing at Jos Dion. My last dinner with the Corriveaus. My last chance to practice French with people in my immediate surroundings. My last opportunity to walk through the most snow I've ever seen in one place. Just a few things I'm going to miss:

- Mr. T dubbed in French.

- small children speaking another language.

- Sunday evening dinners with my French family.

- the bakeries. holy chouette will I miss the bakeries.

- SNOW. (seeing it, tasting it, throwing it, trudging through it, driving in it...)

- Michele, saying things like:
... "I thought you said sex for breakfast!?"
... (While analysing films at work, after my comment on liking the easy cases) "I like my x-rays how I like my men."
... (After I tried to ask if she'd consulted the local weekly newspaper bout the goings-on for the weekend, by referring to simply "the Book") "Umm... the phone book? The Bible? Harry Potter?"
... (Every other day, after losing hers) "Can I borrow your sunglasses/gloves/keys?"

- walking to Le Pape Georges every Sunday night to see friends, music, and friends playing music.

- the view from my balcony.





Things I will love to have again, once I return to the tee-ex:

- the ability to go outside in a t-shirt.

- circulation in my fingers and toes. (you think I'm kidding.)


- mon pere, telling me to relax or take it in stride or use good judgment.
- ma chatte, waking me up by trying to eat my hair. (who knew a day would come when I'd want that back?)- breakfast tacos. oh my sweet lord, breakfast tacos. (no picture because I didn't wanna get my taste buds' panties in a twist.)

A huge part of me doesn't want to leave. I've had the time of my life here. I've learned a lot, both professionally and personally. I learned another language (sort of). I lived with someone for the first time in years, and it was with one of my best friends. I've made friends who I know I'll stay in touch with forever. And honestly, I would be happy to stay here for another, longer, chunk of my life. It's too bad that that's just not in the stars right now.

Still, with all that, it's good to know that as much as I've enjoyed my time here, and as much as I don't want to go, I'll soon have some irreplaceable favorites to return to.

Although I don't think it'll make saying goodbye any easier.

things quebec has taught me

I make friends easier than I previously thought.

When I lack control over too many things in my life, I tend to get grumpy and resent people in my immediate environment.

John Hiatt can be incredibly sexy.

I may be a bit of a masochist.

Something as simple as having the ability to drive myself to work can turn my whole world around.

Snow is one of my favorite things. It's one of the only substances that is beautiful both on a micro and macro scale. And it's fucking fun!

Waterproof shoes aren't really waterproof.

it's too early for that kind of talk

The chiropractic software program my boss (Mitch, or Michel) uses in his clinic allows for a doctor log-in and an assistant one. He for some reason chose 'assmichel' for the assistant name. I'm pretty sure he didn't realize what that sounded like until Michele pointed it out to him. Since then, he's said things like, 'put my ass up there' when he wants us to log in. The guy can be funny when he wants to be.

It was barely 8am, and one of the first sentences my boss said to me was, 'I want you to open an ass right here.'

the tag blag

My good friend Sophia tagged me. I was supposed to:
"Open the 6th picture folder on your computer, open the 6th photo and blog it. Write something about it. Then tag 6 more people to do the same."

My 6th picture folder had more folders of pics, so this is the 6th photo in the 6th folder of the 6th folder. Triple 6's, baby! This is an appropriate photo for the times, as it's taken with Michele, my current roommate/co-worker/sister/husband, and in it, we are attempting an AO gang sign (that's A for Atlas and O for Orthogonal, a kind of chiropractic we're both totally into) back when our hair was long and our town was Davenport, Iowa. We sadly didn't become friends until our very last year at Palmer, initially meeting because of a mutual interest in the AO club taking over the world. Or at least, going down in history as having the best bake sales EVER.

So it's a good choice, since that there's the girl I share an apartment, car, grocery list, paycheck, and bed with, and those letters represent what brought us together in the first place. <3

I don't know 6 people with blogs. I don't even think 6 people read this blog. But I'll go ahead and try to get Griffon (my multi-talented comic-writing friend) to do something similar.

year in review

I’ve been journaling for a few years now, and occasionally, I like to revisit some of the exhilarating/mundane/bizarre experiences I’ve written about. It’s always fun to relive some memories, laugh at myself, and from time to time cringe a little at my lack of perspective, reading and reminiscing with the 20/20 hindsight I wish I could channel as things are actually happening to me, instead of months later. I collected a few clips that I especially wanted to remember. Either because it was a good memory, or for the laugh or neuroticism factor, or both. I think they’re actually better read out of context. So may I present a random sampling, a window into the crazy head of vernaculauri...

- I need to enjoy the moment here, and stop worrying so goddamn much. So…nothing new.

- I am pissed and upset. But more upset. And pissed.

- Here I was not pursuing anything, and had these suggestions tossed at me like so many softballs. I was trying to decide whether I should try and catch a few of them or just keep laughing and let them fall.

- It was one of those dark days, where you can never tell what time it is because you can’t see the sun, but it’s ok, because the reflections off of slick streets and the subdued weather make everything feel a little more relaxed. It reminds me of sick days in elementary school, or maybe this one sick day, when the weather was horrible, but I laid on the couch and watched the Care Bears movie over and over and all was calm and right with the world. I love rainy days sometimes.

- But it is what it is. He is what he is, and I suppose, not what I thought.

- It’s funny how a day can change everything. Your life (sometimes), your mind, the course of your non-stop mental drivel.

- My dad told me I’d earned the opportunity that awaits me, and that I may as well take advantage of it. He also said … not to worry about things I can’t control (I know this), and that everything happens for a reason (I know this too), and that it will all unfold with time (ugh) and work itself out.

- You tell it, Time.

- I felt this overwhelming appreciation for my life and every aspect of it. I thought about how lucky and happy I am. All the places I’ve lived and will live in, the fact that I’m making the most of my 20s, and have no regrets, and that I’m not missing anyone or anything, but am single and glad to be, am free, am alive, and healthy.

- Lately I have felt so distant and boring. Like there’s not much presently going on in my life I am greatly passionate about. For every positive, there’s a negative. Just like life, I suppose. Everything just… is.

- And I know it’s totally dramatic, but I felt wounded to have had to cross that off my wish list.

- I gave it my frowning hour, so now, it’s a new day, with a new obsession to fixate upon. I just need to find one…

- Funny how years ago, during the teaching days, Sundays were the most awful, miserable days of my life, and now, they’re what I look forward to.
And I’m so thankful that I can look forward to them.

- They are beautiful strangers. Beautiful friends. ‘Get in where you fit in.'

- What an awesome old guy. He told me, “take it easy, ma chere.” I think that was the best advice I’ve been given in recent memory.

despite the bitter

It officially descended to temperatures here that my body has never known. The low on Friday night was a chilly -24, and the high temperature - to clarify for emphasis, the WARMEST it got that day - was -9. Fahrenheit. Without wind chill, which has the nasty habit of lowering temps by another 10 or 20 degrees in these parts. It was so cold that the (gross) condensation on the scarf that covered my mouth and nose immediately turned itself into ice crystals that kept catching on my face. It was so cold that the moisture lining my nasal mucosa started freezing so that my nostrils kept sticking together. It was so cold that the tears that were forced out of my eyes in response to the biting arctic wind froze on my eyelashes. It was so cold that my mom saw someone on tv, in the same region as me, toss boiling water from a cup into the air which landed in ice crystals. She told me because she thought it would be a fun trick for me to try. And she instructed me that it had to be boiling water, because otherwise "it wouldn't work." Texan moms are cute sometimes.

Even in the face of extreme temperatures, through which I trudged several times for fresh baked bread (uuuugghhh I will miss the smells and fresh deliciousness of this neighborhood) and groceries (after just removing my hat and gloves and icicle tears: "We don't have any ricotta cheese?! Goddamnit!!"), it was a productive and all-around excellent weekend. I made lasagna. I did some laundry. I relaxed and drank coffee while watching ridiculously entertaining videos. I went out for sushi. I hung out with new friends, who have a talking parrot (oh my god a bashful, giggling parrot who talks in French and loves Marvin Gaye is the most wonderful thing ever holy shit I love her dslrjtb;aewo). I played a great game of line-draw-line, bilingual version (even more hilarious!). I returned to the awesome neighborhood bar that I want to step inside every time I pass - maybe because it looks warm and cozy and always hosts a good crowd, maybe because it's called "Sacrilege" and is located right across from a church. I spoke a lot of French. I tried a new cheese. I played in the snow. I caught three different excellent local live music shows. Plus! Let's not forget that a new US president has finally been inaugurated. That alone would make any American fish-outta-water content with the state of their world.

So in conclusion, Quebec, your foreign language and temperatures don't scare me anymore. I give the weekend a resounding two thumbs up.

winter in motion

I've been trying to make more of an effort to use the video camera while I'm here. Today I dug up some snippets I've caught in the last couple of months. The first one is a minute of our morning commute to work. There was just enough super fluffy snow on the ground, and just enough wind to make these entrancing little swirls along the surface of the road. I'd been staring at this snaking snow dust, hypnotized, for a good half hour before getting the idea to try and record it. The effect was slightly eerie, like dancing graveyard fog, but also incredibly pretty. (Midlake is playing in the background, incase you were interested.)

The next was taken after a couple of days of freezing rain, when all of these handrails were completely coated in a thick layer of ice. It was the most satisfying thing in the world to twist off the curved sheets and watch them crash to the ground. Earlier in the day, I'd walked down this one path alone, where there was about 40 feet of railing. I was strolling slowly along, close to the metal rail, twisting all of this ice off of it, a foot (or sometimes two! so gratifying!) at a time, totally mesmerized, as a couple of people passed. I'm pretty sure they thought I was retarded, but I could not take my eyes or hands off of the ice. Sure, I lived in Iowa for 3 years, but I think growing up without ice and snow has made me forever amazed with it. Winters like these will never lose their novelty to a kid from Texas.